Guy's tips

This page lists either crucial advice that has eluded me for years, only for a moment of disclosure or inspiration to unveil it; or something I think you really need to know (in my role as cultural icon).

1. How to fit swimming goggles
The top edge of the swimming goggles should go underneath the eyebrows, not above. As simple as that. For years I have had to adjust my goggles every few lengths as the water starts coming in, no matter what goggles I bought or how carefully I adjusted all the straps. In fact, I found the best way to keep them watertight was to tighten them so much I had lemur-like rings round my eyes. I finally found the answer when I asked a swimming instructor how to adjust them and he provided the revelation of putting them under the eyebrows. Brilliant.

Note: since writing this tip, Javier has emailed to suggest the alternative of using superglue - many thanks for this.

2. Fashion Tip: Tucking In
T-shirts should not be tucked in. Shirts should be tucked in, except towards the end of the night when they can be left out (especially at nightclubs). So simple and yet I was never taught this at school. Polo necks are a bit of a mystery.

Note: I have since found out this is wrong. Fahsion is ever changing and a mystery. The first bit about T-shirts is correct.

3. Away goals do NOT count double. Ever.
In various football competitions, such as the knock out stages of the Champions League, there is a rule that says something like "If the aggregate score over a two-legged match is level then the team scoring the most away goals is the winner". It has entered common language (even from some commentators) to summarise this as "away goals count double". This is wrong. What they mean is "away goals count double in the event of a tie", which is still wrong: if you win 6-5 at home and lose 1-0 away the score is 6-6 and you lose on away goals, you're not thrashed 11-6. I don't think I'm being pedantic here.

Coming soon ... How to Become Rich, How to be a Sports Star, How to get your Dog to do what he's Told.